If you’ve ever carried a screaming child, as rigid as a surfboard out of a toy shop, then you, my friend, are in the right place. Tantrums and meltdowns are part of the package when it comes to raising children between the ages of 2 and 6. And while they might feel like a public performance you didn’t audition for, the truth is: they’re not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. They’re a sign that your child is doing something very right. They’re developing. (although I will still be the person giving you a sympathetic smile and whispering ‘Hang in there’ as I pass you!

Why Tantrums Are Developmentally Normal

Your child’s reactions may not seem to make any sense to you, but to them it’s a massive deal, made even worse by the fact that they can’t calm themselves down. How frightening must that feel!

Tantrums aren’t just annoying interruptions to your day – they are your child’s way of expressing overwhelming emotions when they don’t yet have the words, tools or maturity to do it calmly, or to rationalise what is happening and calm themselves down. The parts of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, like the prefrontal cortex, are still under construction (and will be well into their twenties!). What looks like chaos is actually your child learning how to feel, express, and eventually manage strong emotions.

A tantrum is often a response to frustration, while a meltdown might come from sensory overload or accumulated emotional fatigue. Neither is about manipulation. Both are about a nervous system under pressure.

Common Triggers to Watch Out For

We’re not psychic, but there are some pretty universal triggers that increase the likelihood of a big outburst:

Hunger (we’re all monsters when we’re hungry)
Tiredness (again, guilty)
Transitions (leaving the park, starting bedtime, changing activity)
Overstimulation (noisy, busy, bright environments)
Feeling powerless (because they can’t pour the milk themselves or they wanted the yellow cup ...and that matters)

Learning to spot these in advance can help you head off an emotional eruption before it gets going - although, if you do end up in one, just remember this can be an opportunity for them to practise calming down.

Co-Regulation vs. Punishment

There was a time when parenting wisdom suggested leaving children to "cry it out" or isolating them until they "calmed down." We now know better. The goal isn’t to teach children that their feelings are bad, but to show them that they’re safe even with big feelings.

Think of a time when you have felt distracted - a time when you couldn't work something out or do something, or where plans changed unexpectedly and you weren’t prepared. Then think about how you would feel if that happened again, you lost your composure, and that you didn't know how to regulate your emotions and calm yourself down. What a scary place to be. I think a lot of us would find it terrifying. Now imagine you’re 5 and there is a huge person shouting at you…..

Providing a safe space will help them to calm down a lot quicker than any kind of punishment and will provide the emotional support they need.

This is where co-regulation comes in. Co-regulation means staying close, calm, and available while your child rides the emotional wave. You're lending them your calm until they learn to find their own. It might look like sitting on the floor quietly nearby, offering a comforting presence, or using few, low, slow words to validate their feelings (“You’re really upset. I’m here.”)

This is not weakness or indulgence. This is emotional coaching. You’re showing your child, over and over, that feelings can be felt and survived.

Your Calm Down Toolkit

Think of this as your emotional first-aid kit. Having a set of tools ready to go can make a huge difference:

A calm space – a soft beanbag, a blanket, a favourite cuddly toy - forget the ‘naughty step’ - this is all about safety and reassurance.
Sensory aids – fiddle toys, playdough, glitter jars, water play.
Breathing visuals – blowing bubbles, using a breathing buddy (like a soft toy on their tummy), breathing a shape (Breathing in while they draw a square or circle in the air), or ‘sniffing the flower’ and ‘blowing out the candle’ (hold a pretend flower in one hand and a pretend candle in the other, and sniff one then blow the other).
Visual aids – feeling faces, simple charts, or storybooks about emotions.
Rituals – a calming song, a special cuddle routine, or a calming mantra like "You're safe, I’m here, we’ll get through this."

Start using these when your child is calm, so they associate them with comfort and not just crisis and can absorb the techniques you are using.

When to Worry

Some children need more support. If you notice frequent, intense episodes that don’t respond to typical strategies, or your child seems overwhelmed by everyday experiences (sounds, textures, transitions), it could be a sign of sensory processing issues, anxiety, or a need for specialist input. Trust your instincts. Speak to your GP or health visitor. You know your child best.

You’re Not Alone

Every parent has felt the sting of judgement in a supermarket aisle or the shame spiral after yelling at their child for the third time before breakfast. But shame doesn’t make us better parents – support does. That’s why we created Blossom.

At Blossom, we’re not here to guilt you into perfect parenting. We’re here to arm you with knowledge, tools, and real-talk strategies to help you feel empowered, not overwhelmed. If this blog spoke to you, we’ve created a full downloadable big feelings toolkit packed with scripts, games, visual supports, and more to help you turn tricky moments into teachable ones. You can find The Blossom Guide to Emotional Regulation here

Follow us on Facebook or Instagram and join our community of parents who are walking this wild, wonderful journey too.

Remember: big feelings don’t mean bad parenting. They mean growing brains. You’ve got this. And we’ve got your back.

Big Feelings, Small Bodies: Helping Children Manage Huge Emotions