Let’s face it - sibling squabbles are as much a part of family life as soggy cereal and mysteriously disappearing socks. If your children are fighting like cats in a sack, take a deep breath - you’re not alone, and your family isn’t broken. In fact, sibling rivalry is developmentally normal. Yes, really. It might feel like a daily soap opera with snack-based plotlines, but there’s good news: with a little guidance (and some realistic expectations), you can help your children learn to navigate conflict and grow stronger because of it.

So, What Is Normal Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry often looks like arguing, grabbing toys, shouting, telling, and a general need to one-up each other. It's their way of working out identity, boundaries, and belonging within the family unit. Developmentally speaking, young children are still learning emotional regulation, turn-taking, and problem-solving, so yes, they're going to squabble.

The key is not to eliminate all conflict (which would be impossible and, frankly, a bit creepy), but to help children learn how to resolve it with support, empathy, and developing skills.

Fairness vs. Sameness

“I had it FIRST!” “But she got MORE!”

Sound familiar? Children are hardwired to care deeply about fairness—but their version of fairness often looks more like strict sameness. It’s important to explain that being fair doesn’t always mean everyone gets the same thing; it means everyone gets what they need.

If one child needs help putting their shoes on, that doesn’t mean their sibling is being ignored. If one child gets a bit more breakfast because they’re still hungry, that’s okay. These little moments are chances to help children grow their emotional intelligence. It also translates into bigger things like buying new shoes - I would, wherever possible, avoid buying my kids new shoes at the same time. This was a really good chance to demonstrate that people are different. Their needs are different - or even the same, but not always at the same time. Even if it meant going to the shoe shop twice in one month, I would do it (yes, through gritted teeth!), because in the long run it bought benefits. It was important to me to show my sons that it would all work out fair in the end. It worked, and I think it reduced sibling rivalry.

Coaching Problem Solving (Not Just Refereeing Fights)

It’s tempting to dive in with, “Who started it?” or “Say sorry!”—but these don’t actually teach anything beyond who can shout the loudest or say sorry the fastest.

Instead, try coaching them through the process:

“I hear you’re both upset. Let’s figure this out together.”
“What’s the problem?”
“What do you each want?”
“Can we come up with a plan that works for both of you?”
“How do you think we could resolve this? Do you have any ideas?”

This takes time and patience, but the long-term payoff is children who can resolve conflict without you needing to wear a whistle and carry a clipboard!

Peace Corners and Cool-Down Zones

Having a designated ‘peace corner’ (not a naughty step!) can give children a space to decompress. Fill it with soft cushions, books, calm-down jars, sensory toys, or even drawing materials. Make it inviting, not punitive. It should be a place where emotions are acknowledged, not punished. If you have more than one child, establish that when someone is in there you are not to disturb them. They can invite you in, but you mustn’t ask or assume, and you must respect their space if they don’t invite you.

Model using it yourself sometimes—“I’m feeling a bit stressed, I’m going to take five minutes in the peace corner.” Let them see it’s a healthy, positive tool for everyone.

Jealousy and Competition: Prevention Is Better Than Cure

Jealousy between siblings is completely normal, but we can prevent it from spiralling by giving children time to shine in their own unique ways:

Celebrate individual strengths.
Avoid comparisons (e.g. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”)
Spend one-to-one time with each child, even if it’s just ten minutes a day. This can be tricky if you have babies in the house, but once they are in bed, you can spend time with the older child - or take them on a shopping trip or to the supermarket with you.

Reinforce the idea that love isn’t a limited resource. Saying, “I love you SO much,” doesn’t mean there’s less love left for their brother or sister.

Final Thoughts (and a Little Reassurance)

If your house sometimes feels like a battlefield, know this: you are doing a great job. Conflict between siblings isn’t a sign of failure; it’s an opportunity for growth. You’re helping your children build empathy, resilience, and relationship skills that will serve them for life. They are able to express their emotions and to stick up for themselves!

And if you’d like even more practical tools and expert tips, check out our downloadable guides - in particular The Blossom Guide to Faces and Feelings over at the Blossom website - a simple but fun game to teach your children how to name and talk about their emotions, develop emotional language and intelligence.

Because you don’t need to parent alone - we’re right there with you, every sibling squabble of the way.

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Sibling Squabbles: How to Handle Fighting Without Losing Your Cool